"One last time"

And so that was the way it worked.

Phil needed a “sacrifice”. And so he told everyone in the family that they could all abuse me “until they were all done with me”....

And the abuses continued year after year. One last time became one more one last time and that became one last time. It’s been “one last time” since 2019 with Roy and Cochi.

All of it based on lies.

And they all hated me the whole time because “they never like my attitude”. “We can’t break her” they used to complain.

And the whole time my hatred for “the family that would never fail me” grew and grew because I knew that they were all abusing me based on lies. Blackmail from Tony who was the real traitor, Todd trying to keep his own rapist self out of prison, and because the Freitas’ were blackmailing Phil too.

“One last time”. “We don’t like her attitude”, “she looks too good”, “she’s not homeless on a street corner yet”, “she still doesn't’ have AIDS”.

Phil told me once that it would only stop when I committed suicide or I went to prison. I don't have the ability to commit suicide or I would have done so in 2016 after the torture at the Freitas family farm. Or after the dogs. Or the time I was sent a little puppy as a gift from China because I wanted something to love that wouldn’t hurt me so desperately. So Susan used the recipe on me and gave it to me and forced me to break it’s arms and recorded it so she could frame with with that too.

It was always “one last time”, and when the men were done with me, they gave me away to my abusive family who used me as an ATM and an egg donor for years while Susan advertised me and sold my eggs for Jhihongs invitro experiments.

One last time….

And the whole time I just kept trying, trying to not turn into the person they wanted me to be. To not turn into the monster they lied and made me out to be.

Until just recently, Lauren’s “one last time” on May 28th, and the torture of a man that I loved. Gray’s rape train, the “good son roast”....

I cannot commit suicide. I simply cannot, and I will not go to jail and spend the rest of my life in the “special cell in prison” Lauren has planned for me that she brags to everyone about.

Not all based on lies, so Tony could get “his seat at the table” and “punish me” for refusing him and never loving him and despising him, and so my ex Chris could get everything he wanted when he told me “I’m going to make sure no man wants you ever again”.....

I don’t know why…. I simply cannot break, I cannot commit suicide, and I will not go to prison framed for atrocities I did not commit.

I will simply turn into the monster they all made me out to be, and by the time I’m done the whole “family”, the whole organization, what Lauren complains is “bad for business” if they stop abusing me, will be nothing but ashes and they will all go down in history for their dishonor and lies and for abusing and destroying the woman who was trying to save them from themselves the whole time.

Raymond offered me ‘anything I could ask of him’... all I asked for was for safety and my children, and now I cannot even have that. My son is terrified of me because he’s been abused in my name for years, he’s never known me since he was 3 except to see me drugged out of my mind standing there doing nothing while they make him scream and beg “please mommy please” so Lauren can film it and frame me, and my darling little princess…. Who I allowed myself to be tortured and abused for 7 years for because they told me “smile and enjoy it or your daughter will take your place” now calls me “Pig Trash” instead of mother.

They’re addicts. They’ll always be “one more time”..... “We can’t break her”.... They took motherhood from me, my children, my businesses, my candy store, my dogs Annabelle and Harleen, my family, my goals, my dreams, and the love of my life…. Not that he ever cared anyways. Susan told him “he was too good looking for me” and he just laughed and joked and smirked and went gambling with the women who abused me while they put on a fashion show. He literally stood there and watched me be gangraped and then after when they tried to infect me and did nothing…. Now Lauren still wants more. “Her truck is too nice for her”. “Susan doesn't want her in school”. “She can’t have her service dog”.... Of course not, why should I be allowed a service dog trained for my anxiety attacks that I get from the CPTSD they gave me. That would allow me a comfort “she doesn’t deserve”... so Susan goes around lying saying that his “service to me” is fucking me…. Sheena ‘doesn’t want her doing yoga” Lauren “doesn’t want her in the gym” “Susan doesn’t want her getting massage” and Ken “doesn’t want to have to pay for medical care for the old whore” that he sold and abused and made millions off of. "She just got tested and still doesn't have AIDS?!!!" "Not for long" Lauren and Phillip snicker..... After them I’m sure there will be another abusive lying sorority skank that wants “just one more time”. Such is the nature of addicts.

And thus, I see no alternative other than to finish it for them. When I’m done the whole family will be cinders and ash remembered forever in the history books for their lies and abuses and dishonor. When I’m done they will all scream in rage across the country. When I’m done they’ll all learn a lesson of what happens when you abuse the son of one of their own so they can frame her, and then perhaps they’ll finally leave me alone and I’ll have peace.

Then perhaps I’ll be able to do yoga, and garden, and have my dogs, and study, and read, and take baths, and grow old knowing that none of them will ever be able to hurt another innocent woman or child ever again because Phillip “needed a sacrifice”.

Maybe from the ashes something honorable will finally be born.